THE FORGIVING WAY

When you have unjustly treated or wronged another, you should ASK for forgiveness, and then RECEIVE their forgiveness if it is offered.
The suggestions below provide general guidance but each situation will have its own unique set of circumstances.

• Sometimes it may be impossible to ask forgiveness for one reason or another. Forgiveness is not a rule but it is a means of correcting (as far as possible) wrong behaviour or unjust treatment of another. 
• When you have offended/hurt/wronged someone publicly, the confessions and requests for forgiveness should also be public. If the offense is only between you and another, then your confession should remain between you and them.
• When asking for forgiveness, ask humbly. Do not say, “You caused me to do it because of this or that!”
  Leave all accusation out of your confession. You may feel justified in your actions or reactions, but this will not lead to a good outcome. Ask God’s forgiveness for your part, and then forgive the person before God for their part. Then seek their forgiveness for what you did without mentioning their wrong-doing.
• Never justify yourself or your actions when asking forgiveness. Ask as if the offensive behaviour is yours and yours alone. 
• If you have had bad thoughts or feelings towards another there is no need to reveal unspoken thoughts. 
• If they are unwilling to forgive you, then you have done all you can, providing you have come humbly to them without accusation and you know that your motivation was from your heart. The responsibility is now theirs to forgive you. Sometimes this takes time. Do not try to force forgiveness from them.
  If forgiveness is offered, then receive it with gratitude, ensuring that the lines of communication are again open. 
• Forgiveness brings freedom for you. 
• In some cases, true remorse for wrongdoing requires restitution. If something was stolen, damaged or destroyed, then the goods should be replaced or paid for. This shows the true intent of the heart.

When someone has wronged you and comes to ask your forgiveness in the spirit of humility, they are looking for a response. The onus rests upon you to offer forgiveness. This is sometimes a difficult situation to be confronted with, especially if you have been deeply hurt. In some ways, it is more difficult than having to ask for forgiveness. However, it is made easier if humility and genuine sorrow are evident in the person asking.
Self-protection is a strong impulse within us, and you may not feel safe with that person. It may take time for you to be able to trust and respect that person again. Each situation dictates its own response in wisdom.

• When you offer your forgiveness, don’t berate or admonish the person for their wrong-doing. Receive their apology, forgive and restore the relationship (if reasonably possible). Forgiving from the heart will bring you true healing. It is important that bitterness does not take root in your soul. A forgiving spirit will release both of you.
• Forgiveness is an act of your will and not your feelings.
• Do what is within your power to restore the relationship. Forgiveness may not be completely outworked until the relationship is on the road to recovery. In some cases, it is either unwise or impossible to re-establish relationship with the offender. They may be dead, difficult to locate or dangerous.
• Forgiveness retains no record of wrongs. Forgiveness forsakes the right to ever again accuse that person.
• “I forgive you BUT …” Don’t bring further accusations upon the person who is asking for your forgiveness, no matter how justified you may feel. Continue to forgive in your heart without reacting or justifying yourself.
•  “I forgive you IF …” Do not offer conditional forgiveness. Your forgiveness should be complete and total. The If factor only shows that you are not truly forgiving from your heart.
• Forgiveness cancels all expectation for the other person to change.
• Forgiveness gives up the right for compensation from the offender
  and it cancels all blame.
• Forgiveness does not mean that you are agreeing with or condoning the sin against you.
• With respect to criminal acts, forgiveness does not override the nation’s judicial system which will still impact the offender.
• Forgiveness demands no apology.
• We need no-one’s permission to forgive, not even the person we are forgiving.